Chatty Kathies

The first in a series of snippets from those users who think it's smart to IM me.

[7:01:43 pm]hollywood3192hi

[7:02:16 pm]hollywood3192:how r u

[7:03:11 pm]hollywood3192:looks like you are not a bitch just for Halloween

 this one was a mixture of messages and IMs but his user name is case_1990:

Him: so you gonna b my sugar momma (;

Me: i dunoo whut that means! :)
Him: lol alright sassypant's then how about a mutual ?
Him: oh and do you have a facebook. i dont want to find out im talkin to some old dude
me: what's a mutual?
me: and i'm not givin you my fb yet silly, you're asking me questions about stuff that i have no idea what yer talkin' about, what if you're a sex fiend or sumthing?!
him: alright im not sayin im a sex fiend. but then again what guy isnt a sex fiend
him:  how do you not know what a sugar momma is
him:alright, a sugar momma is uaslly older than the guy
him: she takes care of the guy and does what he says
him: andthe women actually spoils the man (;
him: are you from america ? lol
me: that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
him: which part the america one or the sugar momma ?

what not to do.

if one more dude messages me and tells me that he knows I'm too good for him but he will attempt anyway, I'll punch him in the balls.

it be the internet. It's so easy to "fake it." i fucking fake it! We are all equals in this game called life; if you automatically place yourself below the person you are attempting to woo, there is 100% chance of failure.


FOR YOUR CONFIDENCE!

uuu.

Alexander863 update:

My return message to Mr. Steroids really set off a bomb.

1. I'm not your baby. Or your sweetie. Or your babe. We have never interacted before, and I think it's weird/creepy to call a complete stranger sexualized pet names;

2. You live in Florida; I don't do long distance stuff, and that is expressed in my profile;

3. We are 55% enemies. And while I'm not one to completely base who I talk to off of these numbers, there is something to be said for them. We haven't even had an actual conversation yet and you've done everything that I don't like. See?

Not compatible. That's why I never write back. Nothing against you, of course. There are tons of girls who love being called pet names from the get go. And tons of girls who don't mind long distance. I'm just not one of them. And unfortunately, I don't have the time or energy to talk to every single dude who contacts me. So I gotta pick my battles.

Good luck.

Yes, a bit bitchy. But overall, I believe it to be honest and straight to the point. At no time did I point out the fact that he's a giant douchebag, or comment on how he spends ALL of his time at the gym, but merely explained to him exactly why "i always sign out" (i.e. why I wouldn't talk to him). His response was... to say the least, revealing.

lol ur silly. ur def one of those girls that take the site way to searious. i give u 3 months and u wont even get on here anymore cus ur so frustrated. i was simply just wanting to flirt and have intelligent convo with a some what cute girl that thought i was hot too which u said i was. hun babe baby sweetie do u really think that i would ever take the time out of my amazing very successful life to meet an averge looking chick who im way out of her league. that lives in ind hahhaa humor me. i have a like 50 girls on this site that look beter then u that r dieing to meet up with me. and i havent cared to meet up with one. i dont have time for it. this site is a joke but i guess u dont get how the site works yet lol. babe i respect that u want to get all self righteous and try and act like ur somthing amazing and self promote by writing me a rediculous page about how ur special. which by the way is flattering that u would take and spend the time to do that for me. but in general it just makes u look like a bitch if u were hot or had a great job or just somthing then i could understand where ur comeing from but sorry it just makes me laugh. good luck on the site and i tell u this not to mock u but cus u really need it. but it was a good choice for u to stop now cus i would have ended up being rude to u and not have givin u any respect cus ur not pretty enough for me to care. and im sure that i would have made u cry after 2 or 3 minuts of u trying to act like ur on my level. ohand my friend just said if u had some stuff fixed on ur face and u hit the gym got some pop on that body u maybe then have a chance of promoting ur self from a 6 to a 7! gooooood luck kissses! 

and then, an IM:

owned! hahha but with all truth haha! thats the best!

My word. I think this means I can post his picture without censoring it. Because I'm a BITCH like that.

 PUMP IRON! PUMP DICKS!

Alexander863

Oh, yummy, you might say.  He's tan and tattooed and ripped and teasin' me with his naughty bits. Wearing good manties, for sure (thems type are my favorite, btw).

But then this motherfucker had to start conversatin' with me.

Three days ago he messaged me and I never messaged him back because he's from Lakeland, Florida and I do not need to be wasting precious online dating time talking to someone unattainable (long distance is not an option at this point; a lady needs to get herself some and get it often).

He called me  "babe" in his first email, too.

And then last night, this is what happened:

(12:04:04 am)Alexander863:hey babe how r u

(12:53:21 am)Alexander863:hey sweetie whats up

Notice that almost an hour had passed.

I get an email:

baby u never write back and always sign out
  

What. the. eff.

he called me three different generic names that I feel belong solely to people who have an actual connection to each other. Babe, I could handle. Sweetie, it made me throw up a little in my mouth (memories of other men from my past, eek). But BABY is what I call someone I cherish, respect, and love. When a strange man calls me baby, I feel like punching him in the mouth. I'm not your baby. You are not my daddy.

And then there's this thing, that I "always sign out." First, it was the first time he'd attempted to IM me and I didn't respond to either message. And I know I wasn't logged out because I was creating awesome blogs last night. So he's being super creepy by calling me baby, and now he's acting like I signed out because of him. Please. You are not that important.

Funnier still, is this quip from his profile:

You should message me if: If your a hopeless romantic
And your not one of these desperate ones :)

Also, OkCupid lets you answer questions and then it gives you a percentage with whoever you are looking at as to how compatible the twos of yous are, based on how you both answered. Alexander and I are considered 55% ENEMIES. 55%! Why would you even waste your energy on someone who has a different world view than yourself?? For example, here are some questions we both answered:

Would you consider connecting with someone whose relationship status is 'seeing someone' or 'married'?

him: Yes to both
me: no to both

Should burning your country's flag be illegal?

Him: Yes
Me: No.

So, at this point, I'm thinking:
He has a completely different moral compass than me.
He is on a completely different political plane than me.
He lives in Fucking Florida.
He doesn't want the desperate type but comes across as such.


And he likes to refer to strange women he's never even talked to by sexualized pet names.

Of course, he's just thinking:
She is pretty.
She is online.









Dudes, dude.

girlsgirl4u

Hi there, bisexual married chick, looking for a lady to sex you (or you and your husband)!!

Initial Message:

Well, your stats say you're bi, but your thing says message you if I'm a guy. I'm obviously not a guy, but message me if you wanna chat.

 

 

Kind of a weird message to get? I put in my 'thing' that I also wouldn't mind ladies contacting me if they were awesome. But whatev. I'm not into her... it happens. But what really got me is this portion of her profile:


I will cuss you out and make you feel like an idiot if you are a male or male/female couple. I have a man. Accept that. You think we could have fun, just you and me, or you and me and my husband. If you would like to hang out and enjoy each other's company AND have sex....or maybe even if you'd JUST like to have sex. ;-)


I hope y'all can see the hypocrisy. she doesn't want couples contacting her but she's fine with a lady getting it on with her and her man. It wouldn't be that bad, if she wasn't such a lil' bitch about it. 
WOMEN can be douchebags too!

p.s. her profile pictures are gross. She posted a picture.... wait. i'll just show you.

 ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Photog7869

Do y'all get that cleverness? He's a photographer, and he was born in '78, AND I think he likes to 69. Sooo Hawt.

Initial Message:

Title: Fuck
Body: Can we fuck?

I said, EXCUSE ME?

He says:
Do you like casual sex in public places?

No.

Bummer. Do you like casual sex in non-public places?

Not with you.

Ok.

 
I will only fuck you if you wear this rad hat.

Pugsly

Background

Height

5' 9" (1.75m). (what part of  "taller than me" don't these dudes get?)

All of  his OkCupid tests?

The Slut Test	74% slut
The how fuckable are you? Test	" The Punching bag"
The What kind of sex freak are you Test	Amature porn
The Risky and Crazy Sex Situations Test	Kinky and Crazy
Test Your Sex Freak Factor	Freak in a Box!
Ultimate Sex IQ Test	Well-Informed
Are You Good In Bed? Quiz.	The Sexmaster!
The Lover Style Profile Test	The Liberated Lover

sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex

 Initial Message: 

Just saw your profile and thought I would say hi! My only question is why does a girl as gorgeous and as sexy as you need to be doing online dating?

My response:

Why do online dating? It's either a) I must be seriously crazy, like too crazy for any *real* man to want to date me or b) Or maybe really, really annoying and no one can stand to be around me... c) Or maybe I smell funny? How about d) I'm not really the girl in all these pictures, but an overweight balding middle-aged man sitting in the dark in front of his desktop waiting for his World of Warcraft raid to start. This is a funny game. But seriously: Where else do you propose I meet men to date? P.S. If that's your only question, then I fear you won't get to know me very well, since I don't really talk about myself unless asked. 

Sometimes I tickle myself with how bitchy I can be.

My list of dating pet peeves continues to grow. Added tonight: 

- Posting pictures of yourself with other women. As if this signifies that you are a true pimp and can't seem to get the ladies off of your dong for long enough to take a decent photo of yourself.

- "You are too pretty or too sexy to be doing this." Awww, thanks, I guess I'll just go ahead and never use the internet again to find a date. I'll go over to Brothers (local frat bar) and find my Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now there and maybe get some of the herpes as an added bonus. Why would I ever THINK about posting up on OkCupid? Silly me, thanks for bringing this to my attention.

Why do men become babbling idiots with no couth or respect when their dicks get hard? His profile is very nice. He sounds like a decent dude on paper. But if there is absolutely any inkling of a chance of getting a hot girl to bone you, you think it's kosher to start acting like a leg-humping dog? UPDATE: he wrote back, completely oblivious to the fact that my message was drippppping in sarcasm, and wants to know what *I* want to know about him. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.